Secret Sickbed (Kurt/Trade)

[Nightcrawler]

"It's still wrong." Kurt shook his head firmly in response to her fatalistic comment. Some things you had to accept, like a mutation, but everything else could be changed for the better, the Professor had taught him that much. It was one of the few lessons Kurt had followed immediately.

That she needed to go back like that made Kurt feel sick to the stomach, though it didn't make her any less of a victim in his eyes. His expression softened again, and on impulse he hopped forwards and hugged her. It was more his need to give comfort than her need for receiving him that motivated him, but either way she was suddenly caught in a furry hug.
"You can get over that if you want to leave it. I'll help you with that too." He offered without breaking the hug.

[Lorili]

As Nightcrawler claimed that the cagefights were still wrong, Lorili didn't even bother to shrug. She figured that everyone had their opinions. Seeing how he didn't know what it was like to be involved in something like that, and seeing how he hadn't found himself in her same situation, he really couldn't see how it wasn't wrong- could he. He hadn't even known what a cafe-fight was until she had explained it to him. Even then, she hadn't gone into full details; just the bare basics of it.

She had just been in the middle of thinking about just what those details were, when there came a sudden movement from Nightcrawler. By this point, the combination of her still being worn out from the blood loss and him having made enough sudden actions to let her almost get used to it, she didn't take the action of her usual knife-grabbing reflex.

Another life lesson: never get too comfortable with something as everything is subject to change. She should have remembered that. If she had, she wouldn't have been so caught off guard when she found him throwing his arms around her then pulling her into a hug a moment after the softening of his expression. Surprise jolted through her and for a moment, she didn't even know how to react. She had jerked at the inital contact but froze the instant after as she realized it wasn't an attack.

A hug? Was he really hugging her? She hadn't been hugged since.... She couldn't even remember the last time she had been hugged as she wasn't going to let her memory slip back too far or into too much detail.

"..."

She was speechless for more than just the reason of her not liking her voice. She was just in that much of a state of shock really. Why? Why would he do this? He didn't even really know her. But he'd already befriended her, saved her twice, and now was claiming he would help her leave the fights. Now it wasn't just her throat burning bur her cheeks some too. That was until her usual paranoia kicked in causing her to tense where she had found herself not as stiff in the hug as she had been in the beginning. Still, had it been anyone else, they would have probably been watching their own organs spilling out at this moment. The only reason he wasn't was because she owed him... At least that was how she explained it to herself.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked.

Why did he hug her? Why did he want to help her so badly? Why any of this?

"I want to, but I can't." She stated even as she pulled out of the hug.

Her cheeks were still burning. Maybe she'd caught something while she was weakened or in the ring? It was possible.

[Nightcrawler]

It wans't hard to tell that Trade wasn't big on hugs, so Kurt pulled away with a bashful expression. Right back to the desk on the other side of the room in fact.
"Sorry. I just thought it might cheer you up." Now the emotional young man sounded abjectly sorry and embarrassed. He didn't consider that she might mean more than the hug. Everything had been fine so far and he'd explained why he was helping her in general. It was the hero thing to do.

Her comment about not being able to leave stopped the frenzy of embarrassment. It was always easier to focus on someone else's problems than on his own. Kurt couldn't help it really, he may not be an empath in the mutant sense, but he was always aware of other people's negative feelings when he took the time to look. Which right now, he definitely was.
"You can!" He insisted with definite emphasis on the words. "It's hard, but we got taught about addiction. If you're strong enough and have support, you can break it. I can be the support. Uh....if you want me to." The last sentence was added in more cautiously, and with a careful look over at her. Suddenly Kurt was not so sure where he stood, if his enthusiasm hadn't led him off the beaten track again.

[Lorili]

He only seemed to partially understand her question as he went on to explaining the hug as an attempt to cheer her up. Though the action was part of what confused her, it was more of the reason behind it even when he explained. Yes, he had done it to try to cheer her up, but why? He barely knew her besides the couple of times of having been at the odd place at the odd time to catch her in a moment where she was in distress. Yes, there was surely to be some kind of bond thanks to that, since life saving wasn't exactly taken lightly... If she could die, that was....

She had tried before. Tried to fight herself into a losing point... Bot it never seemed to happen. No matter what, her survival instincts and selfishness seemed to override her plans. Her opponent would be down on the ground and her, by some miricle or more likely curse, still standing even if it was barely. Lorili often wondered if she could even die. If she could just catch a break for once. Be almost normal. Then there were times when she knew that she couldn't let herself. After-all, Cortez wouldn't be going after himself when it was time, would he.

She was snapped out of her thoughts at Nightcrawler's outburst about her being able and strong enough to break her addiction. Of her having support... his support.

Lorili just watched him for a moment. A long moment. He had little to know cue about what was going on and he still was this into trying to help her. He was walking pretty much in the dark and he was still wanting to get involved. Not only that... but she actually got rhe feeling that he was being genuine about this.

"It's either fight or be torn apart." She stated.

She was serious. Dead serious.

"It's what keeps the memories away."

Lorili crossed her arms and looked to the side as she thought for a moment.

"To help, you need to hurt me."

[Nightcrawler]

That look she gave him disconcerted Kurt. he felt like he was being judged, and the young man never managed to face that without feeling embarrassed and worried that he might be found lacking. His cheery confidence only went skin deep when it came to things like that.

If that was bad, then Trade's actual answer was terrible. Kurt really had very little idea of what she was even talking about, but he knew he didn't like it. How could he help her by hurting her? How could that be necessary? He was starting to wonder what he was getting into by offering to help her out. Maybe he was out of his depth here.

But if his confidence about people judging him was weak, Kurt's conviction in Xavier's teachings was not. Whatever was going on, Trade needed help, and since he was the only one who knew about it, that meant he had to be the one to help her. So first he had to figure out what to do.

"I don't understand." The young man let both his confusion and the fact that it bothered him that he didn't understand show. "What do you mean?" It was an honest, open request for an explanation. Kurt was going to keep hammering away at this until she chased him off or he knew what to do.

[Lorili]

This would take more than the usual four to seven words. If she was going to get the whole thing across, she'd just have to bear the sound of her voice long enough to get the message across... even if it was usually only just above a whisper that she spoke in. He probably hadn't taken her as literally as she had meant it when she said that he would have to hurt her to help her.

"The fights are the only things to make the memories stay in the background. I need new pain to keep the old pain away. Unless you can supply me with the same amount of pain that the cage-fights bring me, you can't help me. There isn't any other distraction strong enough to make it so I can sleep at night without coming back to a destroyed area and wounds re-opened over my body. I'd rather have control over when I bleed than to wake up to it happening." The white haired mutant finally said after working herself up to making that mini speech.

Even if she had done things most people would pale at seeing, she would rather do those things than to be pulled into those nightmares that haunted her whenever she either hadn't tired herself out enough to escape or when she hadn't gotten enough fights ingrained onto her mind to where she dreamed about them instead. Memories of the fights weren't vivid enough to make her wounds start opening up. They weren't as traumatizing as the memories of her mother or what had happened after her escape from her either.

[Nightcrawler]

For several seconds Kurt just sat there, blinking and looking shocked. That was so far beyond what he'd dealt with, now he felt even more out of his depth. Once again the temptation was there to admit that he couldn't help her and maybe go ask the Professor or something. Or maybe Mr. Logan would know what to do, this was more his speed.

But no, Trade hadn't wanted other people knowing. So Kurt had to come up with something himself, especially since he was probably already in trouble for sneaking her in. Besides, as freaky as all this was, he still had that mental image of Trade lying in that alley in her own blood. Kurt couldn't turn back on that.

Luckily, it was in moment like this that Kurt often had those little snaps of insight that had his friends wondering if he really was as much of an idiot as he seemed at times. Holding out his hand, he gave her a grave look.
"I want to show you something, I think it'll help. But you have to promise to keep it secret." He was /so/ getting in trouble for this, but Kurt didn't care just then.

[Lorili]

There was a silent moment where they just kind of watched each other. He looked shocked, to say the least. But she didn't blame him seeing how he hadn't even known what a cage-fight was until tonight and since he seemed to have never come across a situation like hers before. She wouldn't have blamed him if this was too much for him. If he told her she needed to leave or that he couldn't deal with her. In fact, she was almost waiting on it seeing how she was still skeptical that a person could really be like him.

There came an expression across his face that she was unsure of as he extended a hand and she wondered if he was about to take her out of there and bring her back to the alley he had found her in. But... But he didn't. Instead, he was telling her that he wanted to show her something that he thought might help, telling her she had to promise to keep it a secret.

"As long as you keep my secrets." She told him, reverting to her less verbal self.

It had been bound to only last just so long. The mass talking, that was.

Lorili reached out and took his hand.

[Nightcrawler]

Kurt didn't seem intimidated by her going quieter again. Or at least, he wasn't more perturbed than the whole situation already made him. He met her eyes with a surprisingly serious look, no more smiles for him right now. There were plenty of people who didn't even think the young man capable of taking things this seriously. But then, most of the time he had his buddies to do the mature thing and could afford to goof off.
"I won't tell anyone." He told Trade quietly, before he took her hand and bamfed them both out of the room again.

((Continues here:xevolutionrevelation.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=dangerroom&thread=109))